Okay, hear me out: when I was a kid, I saw a picture of a platypus in an old science book and thought it was a prank. Like, someone got bored and stitched together a duck, a beaver, a mole, and some random leftover code from nature’s beta folder. And then I read: “a mammal that lays eggs.” Excuse me, what?
I flipped the page like five times expecting it to say “joke of the day.” But nope. Platypuses are real. Very real. So real you don’t know if you should laugh, run, or start a cult in their honor.
Sometimes I feel like God made this thing on a Monday morning, half-asleep, without coffee, after a long weekend. “Duck bill? Great. Beaver tail? Perfect. Venomous back legs? Sure, why not. Oh—and it lays eggs. Yeah, let’s confuse the biologists.”
But somehow… I love this creature even more because of it.
Seriously, the male platypus has a venomous spur on its hind legs. It won’t kill you (unless you’re a small dog, apparently), but it will hurt like hell. Especially during mating season. Because of course the glowing egg-laying mammal also has seasonal aggression. Evolution said “why not all of it?”
Also, it lays eggs but feeds its babies with milk. But get this — it doesn’t have nipples. The milk just leaks through its skin. I’m not even making that up. It’s like evolution was drunk texting while coding this one.
My cousin went to Australia a few years back and swears he saw one swimming near a river in Queensland. He sent me a photo, and I swear it looked like one of those weird plush toys they sell at novelty gift shops. He told me, “That animal had attitude, Mike.” I believe him.
By the way, if you ever want to see one in real life, head to eastern Australia or Tasmania. They live in freshwater rivers and lakes —especially around New South Wales, Queensland, and Victoria. They’re protected, and spotting one is kinda like finding a rare Pokémon. Quiet, fast, and probably judging you.
No, they’re not dangerous. But don’t mess with them. They’re like the chill friend in your group who never talks — until someone pushes them too far. One venom kick later, they’re back swimming like nothing happened. Iconic.
And can we go back to the UV glow for a second? Who asked for that? What evolutionary benefit does that even have? Absolutely none. Which is what makes it brilliant. Not everything in life has to make sense. Sometimes being weird is the point.
That’s the real message of the platypus: be weird, unapologetically. Glow for no reason. Lay eggs if you feel like it. Kick people gently, metaphorically. Be a mess, but be you.
Thank you, platypus, for reminding us that biology can be modern art. And that Mondays deserve forgiveness too.